We’ve been at this parenting thing for a year and a half now. I’ve learned a few things. The hard way, of course, but you probably did too.

So here’s what I’ve learned so far:

• My kids are awfully picky eaters for people who will fight you over a two day old Cheerio they found under the couch.

• Eat when the kids are asleep, you won’t have to share your food that way.

• If you brag about how well behaved your kids are being in public lately, WHILE in public, they will instantly form a riot and try to burn the place to the ground.

• If you are in public alone and hear a child pitch a fit, you praise the Lord it’s not yours.

• If all else fails, just sit down and cry with them. It’ll either make you feel better or they’ll stop crying because they think you’re insane. Win-win.

• If they halfway wake up or you’re trying to move from room to room without them raising hell, don’t make eye contact. The second you lock eyes, it’s over, you’ve been busted.

• You have to pick your battles. Those battles include the one you have with yourself on whether you want to hear screaming or Mother Goose Club for the thousandth time. Mother Goose Club will probably win, but not by a landslide.

• If you get them used to noise early, they’ll sleep through a hurricane.

• You can clean up anything with baby wipes.

• Remember to laugh. The only way to make it through the craziness is to laugh until it hurts.

Check on your parents of toddlers, we are not okay!