No Mom is an Island, Take the Help

Posted on July 29, 2019July 29, 2019 by admin

Why do we struggle with asking for help?

There’s absolute truth to “it takes a village”. And I’m thankful for mine. I also understand that some people don’t have the support around them like I do.

It seems like I always need help from my village. And, they’re always willing to help. But, it’s still hard to ask.

When you ask for help, you feel bad because you know that everyone else is busy with their own lives. You feel guilty pulling them away from that, even though they’re more than willing.

You also feel like you should be able to do it all yourself. Everyone else seems to be able to without complaining, so why can’t you?

But no mom is an island. If you are able to reach out to someone close and ask them to do something as simple as hang out with your kid while you take a quick shower, do it! When visitors come over, do things around the house you haven’t had time to do while they visit with the baby. I’ve learned that people aren’t even there to see me anyway, it’s all about the kids! Put your visitors to work too! It’s okay to ask. More often than not, people will be more than happy to help.

Also, if someone OFFERS to help, take them up on it! A meal brought over or a few hours to take a nap is something you should absolutely accept if it’s offered. Don’t feel guilty for it! Those offering know what you’re going through and they WANT to help make your life easier. Let them!

And lastly, if you see someone who may be struggling, reach out. You may feel like you don’t have anything to offer, but sometimes just letting the person know you’re there is enough. A listening ear or an encouraging word can make a difference.

I’m Not Sad at Bedtime

Posted on June 11, 2019June 14, 2019 by admin

It sounds horrible, but I’m not. I love my kids, but by the time it’s bedtime, my brain is fried. I NEED bedtime. I need the moment of silence for all the brain cells that died during the day.

My day starts at 6:30 a.m. and ends when I go to bed. The small window of time between their bedtime and mine is precious. Some nights I get more done than others, but one thing is for sure, I like it as quiet as possible.

Toddlers are tiny tornadoes. When you have twin tornadoes, you know nothing but chaos. Between work, raising the tiny tornadoes, and trying to find time to eat, shower, and keep the house from looking like an episode of “Hoarders”, my mind moves at a million miles an hour. I’m always in a rush, yet running late. It’s a lot! So, I now cherish and appreciate the moments of silence that I get in the evenings.

You don’t really realize just how hard you’ve been going all day until the last Ric Flair “Whoooo” is hollered from a crib and the kids finally give up and go to sleep. It’s like slamming on the brakes. You take that deep breath, take inventory of what did and didn’t survive the storm of the day, and you decide whether to ignore it, drink a glass of wine, go to bed, and try again tomorrow, or tackle it head on. Hey, what’s one more task on the end of your thousand mile long to-do list?

How we spend our moment of silence isn’t important. What’s important is that we have that moment. Whether you read, clean, or just sit on the edge of the bed and stare at the wall, all that matters is that you got to unwind.

Before the kids, I didn’t like silence. Silence was boring. Now, I appreciate it for what it is. It’s an opportunity to collect my thoughts. It’s a chance to take a minute for myself, to remember to breathe. It’s peace. And, it’s knowing that we’ve all survived another day.

I Should Be Sleeping

Posted on June 3, 2019June 3, 2019 by admin

It’s 2:30 in the morning and I should be sleeping. But, I can’t.

If I’m being honest, a lot of my lack of sleep these days comes from my own doing.

When the house gets quiet, my thoughts get louder.

Sometimes I can’t get to sleep, sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night and stay awake for hours.

My brain just doesn’t want to stop sometimes. I don’t understand why I need to lay here and cringe about something embarrassing that happened to me years ago. Or why I need to shop on Amazon.

I don’t understand why my mom guilt creeps in. Wondering if I’ve somehow managed to ruin my kids because I didn’t coddle them enough when they skinned their knee. Even though they stopped crying seconds after it happened. And vowing to be a better mother tomorrow.

I know I’m a good mother. I’m the one who was chosen because the Lord knew I could. And I know I can too. He will not let me fail.

But sometimes late at night, doubt creeps in.

When you become a parent, it’s like you suddenly set an impossibly high bar for yourself. You want to give your kids the BEST life possible. But, all your kids need is for you to just do your best.

When you’re lying there in the middle of the night, though, thoughts of your failures as a parent start to flood your mind. Is my very best enough?

We have to retrain our thinking in these moments. We have to remind ourselves of our successes when thoughts of our failures try to take over.

Instead of, “the house is a wreck”, we should think, “it was fun watching the kids laughing and playing outside”.

18+ years is a long time to worry ourselves and lose sleep over every tiny little hiccup. Our kids have certainly not given it a second thought. We are doing our best. As long as we do that, we have nothing to worry about.

My Kids Bring Out My Inner Redneck

Posted on May 30, 2019May 30, 2019 by admin

I grew up in a tiny town. When the kids were almost 4 months old, we moved to a slightly larger small town. This is small town North Carolina, mind you.

My neck has always been a little red. I listen to country, we have deer heads hanging on the living room wall, and I’ll always pick Ford in the ol Ford vs. Chevy argument. That’s how I roll, it is what it is, whatever.

But, something about being a mom really brings out my inner redneck. It’s like, you can’t hide who you really are when you’re in survival mode.

Let me tell you a story (it’s a short one, I promise): we’re outside, kids are running around, expending energy, just being your regular, run of the mill hellions. The whole time this is going on, I’m running around after them hollering “y’all get over here!” or “that ain’t your yard!” (they like to run through our next door neighbor’s front yard).

Y’all, it’s nothing for me to be carrying a kicking and screaming kid into the house, because they weren’t ready to go inside yet, while the neighbor kid stares on in horror.

If there’s one thing I know, it’s that my kids bring out my inner redneck. It seems like every sentence out of my mouth is a Southern-ism.

Lawd, it’s crazy.

Moral of the story is: your kids bring out your truth. I’m a redneck mama, I can’t hide it. There’s a good chance you’ll see me barefoot outside chasing a kid or telling the little stinkers to “come here and give mama some sugar”. It’s who I am. My twins helped me really learn my truth.

My Kids Are Trying to Put Me in An Early Grave

Posted on May 24, 2019May 29, 2019 by admin

I have a lot of gray hair for a 29 year old. I also have twin toddlers, so I don’t stand a chance .

Here they are, being all small and sweet.

I always say the kids are trying to put me in an early grave. I’ve tried to stall their efforts by telling them to wait until we have nicer things. It doesn’t seem like they’re listening.

They’re so resilient, kids are. If I wipe out on the floor, I’m crippled for the next month. But, if my kid wipes out, they just get up and take off running again.

Toddlers aren’t for the faint of heart. Especially when you have a climber. My precious baby boy lives every day like he’s climbing Mt. Everest. He can’t help himself. He has to climb. It’s amazing how fast he can move. Blink and he’ll be standing on the kitchen table. I nearly have a heart attack everyday.

Attitudes? Oh man, they’re the worst! Nothing gives you a reality check like hearing your sweet baby girl yell “No!” at you, for the first time. Like, I was stunned. I didn’t want to believe my ears. Whooooooo did she think she was talking to?! Surely, not me!

My daughter? Oh, yea, she’s the sassiest. Yes, she’s probably sassier than your kid. In fact, I’m almost certain. She’s a walking Festivus, always airing out her grievances. You’ll never have to wonder where you stand with her.

These kids keep me on my toes, with each phase bringing a new challenge. Somehow, I feel like they’ll always be trying to put me in an early grave.

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This. You’re Gonna Miss This.

Posted on May 22, 2019May 29, 2019 by admin

You’re gonna miss this.

You’re going to miss the sleepless nights, the messy house, and the teething. You know why?

Because, one day, they’ll suddenly be graduating high school. You’ll ask yourself how so much time has passed since those sleepless nights that you rocked your baby to sleep.

You’ll miss the messy house when they get their first home. It will feel like it was just last week that you were all moving into your first home. And it will feel like just yesterday when you chose to play with them instead of picking up around that house. How did time slip away like that?

You’ll miss the tantrums. You’ll miss them when you realize that they’ve become adults who can communicate their anger. When did that happen?!

The teething? Yep, you’ll miss that too. Those memories will come flooding back at your child’s baby shower for their own baby. You’ll watch them open their gifts and it’ll hit you when they receive a gift of teething toys. Can my baby possibly be having a baby?!

In the moment, these things feel impossible. But, it isn’t forever. One day, your baby will be grown. All the laughing, dancing, and singing that happened between the tantrums and the fights during those toddler years will be memories. So, dance to the music, take all the hugs, and appreciate all those little moments.